I recently heard about a young single mum with two children who works part-time but is struggling with the cost of living.
She admitted publicly that she was skint, and some people responded by saying that she was an embarrassment to her children.
That comment stayed with me.
I do not know everything about this young woman or her circumstances, and neither do the people judging her. What I do know is that she has a job, she is raising two children and she says that she puts her children first.
That does not sound like an embarrassment to me. It sounds like a mum doing her best during a very difficult time.
Admitting you are skint is not easy
When your finances become out of sync, admitting that you are struggling can feel extremely uncomfortable.
You may have money coming in, but it is going out faster. The bills still need paying, food needs putting on the table and children need looking after. Then the energy company wants more, the weekly shop costs more and Christmas is getting closer.
Sometimes you are forced to say the words: “I cannot afford it.”
There is still a great deal of shame attached to saying that. People can feel as though they have failed simply because they do not have enough money.
Being skint is not a character flaw. It is a financial situation—and it can happen to hardworking, responsible and caring people.
I know what it is like
My own mum raised three children on her own, and she did not have a pot to piss in, as the saying goes.
There were things I wanted that she simply could not afford to buy for me. That was not because she did not love me or because she was a bad mother. The money just was not there.
It was one of the main reasons I left school and started working. I wanted to earn my own money so that I could buy the things my mum could not get me.
I did not see my mum as an embarrassment. I understood that she was doing the best she could with what she had.
Later, I raised children of my own and experienced difficult financial periods myself. I have known what it feels like to have bills to pay, children depending on you and not enough money to make everything easy.
You make choices. You go without certain things. You work more hours. You try to protect your children from the worry.
That is not failure. That is what many parents have quietly done for generations.
What you see is not the whole story
People can look at somebody else's life and make all sorts of assumptions.
They might look at me today and see a retired man who goes camping, visits Scotland, enjoys the occasional meal out and has a good life.
I do have a good life, and I am extremely grateful for it.
But that does not mean I am wealthy or that I never have to think about money.
What people do not always see are the years behind it all. They do not see the long working weeks, the debts, the pension I lost following my divorce, the effort it took to rebuild my finances or the decisions and sacrifices I made along the way.
They also do not see the choices I still make today.
Recently, my energy supplier wanted to increase my monthly payment by more than £80. I am a pensioner living on a fixed income, and that amount of money matters to me.
That £80 helps pay for my camping trips, days out and the occasional meal with my wife. Those things are part of what makes my retirement enjoyable. I worked hard for that retirement, and I do not consider those things unnecessary luxuries.
I contacted the energy company, explained that I could not afford the increase, and they agreed to leave my payment as it was.
I had to be honest about my position—and there should be no shame in that.
Social media can create a false impression
Social media usually shows selected moments rather than somebody's complete life.
We see the holiday photograph, the meal in a restaurant or the new purchase. We do not see the bank balance, the bills on the table or what that person may have gone without to afford it.
If we compare our whole life with somebody else's best moments, it is very easy to make ourselves feel inadequate.
“They are doing better than me.”
“They must have plenty of money.”
“I must have done something wrong.”
But we rarely know the full story.
Someone can have a lovely day out and still worry about the next energy bill. Someone can own a nice home but have very little disposable income. Someone can look happy in a photograph while privately struggling to make everything add up.
Having some good things in your life does not mean that money is never a concern.
Honesty could help other people
We need to become more comfortable talking honestly about money.
That does not mean everyone should publish their bank statements or reveal every private detail. It means people should be able to say, “I am struggling at the moment,” without being humiliated or judged.
When people speak honestly, others realise they are not alone.
A person who appears to have everything sorted may be experiencing exactly the same worries. That knowledge can stop someone from blaming themselves for circumstances affecting thousands of households.
As energy bills and other costs rise—and with Christmas approaching—many people will be wondering how they are going to manage.
Some will be working and still not have enough.
Some will quietly miss meals, avoid turning on the heating or make excuses when they cannot afford to join friends.
Some will be too ashamed to ask for help or contact a company about a bill they cannot pay.
Judging them will not improve their situation. It will only make them less likely to speak.
There is no shame in asking for help
That young mum is not an embarrassment because she admitted that she was skint.
She is a person trying to bring up two children during an expensive and uncertain time. Her children may one day look back and understand just how much their mum sacrificed to put them first.
I certainly understand that about my own mum.
If you are struggling financially, it does not mean that you are lazy, irresponsible or worth less than anybody else.
Make the telephone call. Speak to the company. Tell somebody you trust. Ask what help or options are available.
You do not need to apologise for telling the truth about your circumstances.
Your financial position may describe what you can afford at this particular moment.
It does not describe your value as a person.
Having no money does not mean having no worth—and being skint is not a character flaw.